Excerpts – CHAPTER 14: Does the Best Fast-Food Burger Even Exist? An In-Depth Study OR It’s Time for the Mac Daddy

McDonald’s v. Burger King

Burger King v. Wendy’s

Wendy’s v. Carl’s Jr.

Carl’s Jr. v. Hardee’s

Hardee’s v. Checkers

Checkers v. Whataburger

Whataburger v. Fatburger

Fatburger v. In ‘N Out Burger

In ‘N Out Burger v. Five Guys Burgers and Fries


The list of potential burger-on-burger battles is exceeded in length only by the number of ‘Best Of’ articles written on the subject. As a burger lover, the only constant in these ‘Best Of’ burger lists is that In ‘N Out Burger is usually ranked number one and frankly, it should be. That leaves us with about a dozen other burger joints to choose from.

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Excerpts – CHAPTER 3: Handling the Proposal (the real thing, not the Sandra Bullock movie)


The truest statement in the history of relationships regarding whether you should propose or not is also the most vague: “When you know, you know.”

Guys in great relationships or happy marriages know exactly what it means. It means: “I can’t explain it; I just know that when I look at my wife, she’s the only one for me and I want to share my life with her.”

For other guys, the “when you know, you know” phrase translates roughly to: “It’s a crapshoot, pal. You’re on your own with the whole ‘knowing’ thing.” Which leads this second group of guys to ask: “Know what? What the hell am I supposed to know?”

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Excerpts – CHAPTER 7: Manly Rules for Naming Man’s Best Friend

Presidents are notorious for giving their dogs politically correct names (See: Bill Clinton re: Buddy or Gerald Ford re: Liberty). Lyndon Johnson even had a pair of beagles he simply named Him and Her. But our manliest president, Teddy Roosevelt, would have none of that. Not only does he have a dog breed named after him (the Teddy Roosevelt Terrier) he is also responsible for perhaps the two coolest Oval Office dog names around: Sailor Boy and Blackjack. Since you don’t have your own dog breed named after you and you’re not likely to become the leader of the free world, we thought we’d provide you with a little assistance when it comes to the art of picking a manly name for your dog.

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Excerpts – CHAPTER 8: On Where to Live OR I Hate Winter and I Want to Move to Southern California or South Florida, but I Can’t Decide Which

What an incredible dilemma! I spent six years living in Southern California and now I live in South Florida. I am the perfect person to answer this!

First off, picking the wrong place to live can literally suck years off your life. Between the stress of moving, finding a new place, finding a new job, meeting new friends, learning your new area, and then discovering you hate it, the wrong move is one of the worst life decisions you can make.

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Excerpts – CHAPTER 1: On Naming Your Child OR There’s No Need for Eight Girls Named Emma in One Kindergarten Class

With the average life expectancy in the United States pushing 80 years, picking the wrong name for your kid could turn out to be an eight-decade mistake. Think about that. In eighty years you’ll be dead; the house you lived in, the cars you drove, the clothes you wore will probably all be recycled, rebuilt or destroyed; but your son, who is now living in an old-age facility in 2091, has to go by the name Mason S., because Mason A., Mason G., Mason L. and Mason P. live on the same floor in his retirement home, and they were all born in 2011 and also had parents who went the unoriginal route and simply picked the trendiest name available.

Mason is a solid name. In fact, I have long held that for boys, any son named after one of Steven Seagal’s movie characters is a good thing: In addition to Mason (from Hard to Kill), I also wholeheartedly endorse names like Nico (Above the Law), Gino Felino (Out for Justice), Casey (Under Siege) … and Austin, Wesley, Roland and Simon from movies you’ve probably never seen. Astonishingly, Seagal has played a character named some version of Jack or John in 10 movies (including Jack, Jake, Jacob, John and Jonathan), which makes up about one-third of his filmography and clearly accounts for the popularity of those names. But when it comes to your kid in 2011, unless you have always loved Mason, or you are named Mason (or work as a mason) and your son is going to be a Mason Junior or a mason, the name is just too popular.

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